Portals, Empty Graves and Teaching Lessons
by ahhcrapzombiesRUN
Summary: What would happen if a portal opens up right in front of Spike and Dawn and out pops Edward and Bella? Twilight bashing of the sparklepire Edward, full steam ahead Spike&Dawn friendship *Also* suprise appearance by a another couple


**A/N: I do not own BtVS or Twilight, if I did I would have Buffy still on the air and for twilight to not be here on this reality plane (edward and bella bashing dont like dont read full warning, no co****mplaints)**

**And on with the show!**

"OI! Bit! Fix your stance! It leaves you too unguarded." Spike yelled from his perch on the tombstone.

While walking the Bit home through Restfield Cemetary after a Scooby Meeting, a portal had opened up and a young couple fell through. So Spike thought, _'What the hell, might as well teach her something.' _After the hairs on the back of his neck raised, Spike concluded that one of them was a vampire; looking carefully at the boy with stupid looking hair (reminding him of Angel's hair), who was currently crouched over a young brunette who looked like she didn't have a thought in her brain.

"It's okay Bella, if I just change my eyes he should leave us alone."

"Oh Edward! You are sooo brave." Dawn started to giggle, the boy now named Edward, tried to look threatening, but all he succeeded in was looking like he was constipated.

"Are you sure that you're a vampire?" Dawn asked.

"Yes, yes I am. But I'm a good vampire."

"How?"

"I don't kill people, I live off of deer blood, I don't have fangs, I.." Dawn stopped him right there.

"What do you mean, you don't have fangs?"

"I keep them hidden and I **sparkle** in the sunlight." Edward proudly said looking to Dawn as if that fact would dazzle her…it didn't. But just mentioning the sparkles caused Bella to swoon…falling right into an open grave and knocking herself unconscious. Dawn looked at Spike, who was snickering outright.

"So…you're a fairy?" Dawn tried to keep a serious face but it wasn't working.

"WHAT?"

"You sparkle in the sunlight and you don't have fangs, which makes you a fairy in my book."

"I am **NOT **a **FAIRY**!" With that a fight ensued.

Punches, kicks, and elbows were thrown; and hair was pulled. Dawn won the fight (with a few pointers and a little help from Spike) and pinned Edward down to the ground. Spike was outright laughing now. _'Really, the boy was __**that**__ weak, that even __**Dawn **__who didn't know how to fight took him down easily, bloody poof.' _Spike thought, really he wanted to see how this would turn out.

"Seriously, how can you think you're a badass? You **SPARKLE **and don't even know how to throw a decent punch. I bet even Harmony would be able to take you down. Your species of vampires are just fairy glittery people." Bella couldn't even stand up for her sparklepire…she was still unconscious in the grave.

"But, but I'm a good vampire!"

"I don't care, vampires are supposed to be bloodthirsty and savage. Taking glory in torture and causing mayhem. You see the bleached blonde sitting on the tombstone over there?", Dawn pointed so Edward could clearly see her other companion.

"His name is Spike, you wanna know how he got that name? He tortured and impaled his victims with railroad spikes, thus the name Spike. Pretty fitting, dontchya' think?" Spike was smirking evilly, remembering the good old days.

Continuing with her explanation Dawn said, "Oh, make no mistake. I know that if he really wanted to kill me, my family and my friends, he could. But he likes us walking happy meals. At least everybody, except Xander. When he was with his three other companions, Angelus, Drusilla and Darla, they made up what was called the Scourge of Europe. Between all four of them, they killed almost as many people as the black plague. That man over there is what is called a true vampire, he doesn't kill anymore, but he sure as hell doesn't sparkle either. And that is why I just can't take you seriously." With that Dawn plunged the stake that she had in her waistband of her jeans into Edward, the sparklepire's heart. Only thing was…he didn't dust.

He just laid there, with a smirk on his lips, which made him look even more constipated.

"Spike?"

"Yeah Pet?"

"Would you please go and get a sword from your crypt? Oh and make sure you get lighter fluid!"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure I have a sword stashed in a crypt closer to here, hang on a sec." Spike melted into the shadows, leaving Dawn still pinning a vampire (fairy) with a stake in his heart to the ground.

"I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that fairies can only die by being decapitated and set on fire." Dawn mused aloud. Edward's eyes widened and he whimpered, "…but I sparkle."

"Who cares?"

Spike returned with a long sword and watched with pride as his Lil' Niblet decapitated the strange vampire. She was growing up too fast, Spike noticed as she set fire to the body.

"Hey Spike, wanna stay at my house until Buffy gets back? We can watch a movie if you want."

"Sure thing, as long as it isn't a chick flick."

With their voices fading from the cemetery grounds, Bella woke up. Noticing that it was quiet Bella tried to see if there was anybody who could help her out of this grave. "Hello? Is there anybody there? Edward?" Trying this for over ten minutes, Bella eventually got someone's attention; or rather some**thing's** attention, a master vampire was walking by trying to find someone who would serve as a meal when he heard someone's voice coming out of an empty grave. Licking his lips, he jumped into the grave.

"Hello? Who are you? Are you a vegetarian vampire who sparkles also?" Bella sighed dreamily thinking of Edward.

Without any words he pounced on her, draining the air head dry. With his hunger satisfied, Mugen the vampire, who was previously a pirate way back when, turned on his heel to where his mate Fuu was waiting in the shadows. Grinning ear to ear, Mugen and Fuu held hands and walked off to the Bronze.

**A/N: Reviews are my loyal companions! XD**


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